I have absolutely no life. All I do is work. I've been recently promoted, finally sealed as full time with health benefits and an increase in salary. All I've been trying to do is get as much job security as possible and I do my hardest to keep my mouth shut each and every time they fuck me over with the schedule. I've been so over worked since November it's hard to believe that April is around the corner, time is passing me by so quickly.
I'm alone. The loneliest I've felt in a long time actually. I come home and I have no one to talk to and I go to work and am surrounded by tons of people who I have no similar interests with. Absolutely nothing in common. People still think I'm weird after all this time. I feel like I've been there long enough to have my 'dues paid' but no one else seems to think so. Almost a year into the department and I still get the "you gotta pay your dues" bullshit each time a new schedule comes around. Good fucking Lord.
So, it took me about a year to feel "normal". I'm not normla by any means, yes I already know that but it took a while for me to feel as though I fit in by doing something as basic as getting up early in the morning. I had worked graveyard for so long in my other job that it was normal to go to bed at 7 a.m. I think that I've actually started to function better because of this "normal" sleeping pattern but alas, like everything else in my life it didn't freaking last.
April 12th is my mom's birthday. That's also the day I start working graveyard in the ER.Not. By. Choice.
I felt like a psychic yesterday when Grant e-mailed me the schedule and I saw what he did. Where he placed me for an entire month. I don't like the idea. I guess, my biggest fear is that I'll like it. When I'm at work all I want to do is be invisible. I want to show up, do the work and get out of there as quickly as I can. Lately I've found it very hard to be invisible.
The social aspect of work stinks. It fucking blows. I hate the standard questions people ask when they're trying to get to know you, or get a sense of who you are. The questions are usually all the same and however short or in-depth my answers people still look at me like I'm strange. YOU CAN'T BE INVISIBLE IF YOU'RE STRANGE!
Apparently it's abnormal when you say you don't believe in marriage. It's also frowned upon when you say you don't want kids and when trying to explain why you get looked at like you're a fucking asshole.
Haha I am an asshole though, so it works out in a way.
Chad's going through a lot right now. His mom's really sick and things seem to be pretty damn stressful for him. I feel bad. I feel worse that he's going through it alone. After all work is my life right now. I feel selfish in a way. Blah, whatever.
I finally started saving up money. I have big impulsive dreams that I can finally have a hand in making a reality. It's St. Patricks day and all I want is a freaking beer. Cheers to trying not tobe so miserable.