It has been a long time. Several things of significance have happened and a whole lot of things that mean absolutely nothing have happened as well.

Oh where to begin? I've got no idea.

Being 24 is no better than being 23. I made zero new year's resolutions I decided I'm just gonna "surprise" myself with whatever good choices come. I am still working in the Hospital. I tried getting out of the ER two months ago. I applied for a patient placement coordinator position. I was interviewed and in less than 24 hours I was offered the job. The job entails responsibility up the ASS and the pay, well it wasn't as great as I thought it would be which is why I shot it down. My rate isn't low and the graveyard differential makes working in the ER all worth it. It's not a bad gig. I try to detach from half of the shit I see whether they bring a gun shot wound to the head victim or someone is dying in the bed that's across from my desk. I just try not to feel anything while I'm on the clock. It's harder than it looks. Anyway in two months I'll be coming on 2 years in the hospital and it's been pretty good. I can't believe I at one point wanted to be a nurse. I could never do that. I didn't know any better though I was 18 and absolutely clueless.

The only thing I absolutely hate about my job is the fact that I get sick ALL THE TIME. Some faggot from human resources said that we cant wear face masks or gloves while we work because he doesn't want employees "looking like Michael Jackson". It's a fucking hospital you piece of shit. Just because he's not the one getting coughed on. I get irritated whenever I get sick cause it'll usually last a good while and I'll need antibiotics and then I get all paranoid about the antibiotics fucking up my birth control and then life just gets WAY too dramatic in my own head. My head will always be an insane place to be.


Chad is here, has been here since August and I wouldn't call it a visit anymore. I wear my engagement ring everyday and I am completely nonchalant about the fact that we're getting hitched. It is the only thing in my life that feels completely right. I fought off all the demons, I weighed the pro and cons for years. We were on-again off-again for way too long. He is the only thing in my life I can count on to always be there, feel right and make me absolutely happy.

I've forgiven myself for a lot of the bullshit I've done over the years. A lot of the pain I've caused, etc. I think without realizing I've just become a better person.

Chad and I have been looking for a place to live for awhile. Ideally I'd like to move to Anaheim. We looked at a couple of places over there and it only made me want to live there even more. I think eventually we'll just end up in freaking Northridge or something. I really don't care as long as we stop renting from my parents lately. This house can get so suffocating but my biggest problem is that I can never sleep during the day. There is just too much noise in this house. I sleep in a series of naps and that's just cause I get so damn tired sometimes. I had 5 hours of sleep today. I think it's enough. At least, I hope it is. I might get a nap in before my shift tonight.

I wish I could go see Opeth on the 9th at the Wiltern. The last time I saw them there it was so awesome. Front row, nothing but musical drunken bliss. The last concert I went to was Dethklok a couple of months ago. I need more music in my life, it makes me a happier person.

I hope I get to travel a few times this year. Chad and I are going to Vegas in May and we'll be there for a good five days or so. I am going to Graceland in the fall with my friends Diana and Maricela. I finally found someone to go with me and I am extremely excited about that.

Nothing else going on really. My brother who is 15 now has a girlfriend and I think it's the cutest thing. Marlene is in school and constantly having drama with Ruben. I like him a lot for her, he's her best choice yet but she tends to be mean to him sometimes. Chely is doing awesome in her big fancy art school. She made the Dean's list and is getting all kinds of recognition for doing what she loves which is incredible. I've yet to take that risk. It's the self esteem of mine..it's like, nonexistant. My parents are doing well. Last year I went to Vegas with them for a weekend and It's the second time  we do that. It's a blast to just hang out with them in the casino, have a few drinks and just enjoy spending our hard earned money in the stupidest yet most acceptable way ever created. I just bought them concert tickets and they were highly overpriced but it'll be worth it. They never really do anything together so it'll be good for them.

I don't really interract with my uncle anymore, or my cousins or most of the people I used to be friends with. Time just kind of pulls you apart. I still see Ricky once in awhile and I hear from Steve once in awhile too but it's not the same. It'll never be. We're all just doing different things. Ricky seems to still be unattainble and stuck. Holding onto the "I'm gonna be a rock star" dream and doing nothing else with his life. I love him to death but his choices stink and it absolutely blows cause I know he's a lot better than what he's doing. Steve is actually home for the next month. He's got a year left and then he's home for good. It's crazy to think so much time has passed already and I feel old most of the time when I sit and think about shit like this.

I wish I were closer to more people. The few I just mentioned are really all that matter to me in my life right now. I have like, no one else. Tons of acquaintances, tons of former friends but not a lot of people close to my heart. My schedule makes it hard for me to interract with people anyway since I am up all night on most nights.

I love spring. I love when the days are sunny but not too hot and I love it when the nights are perfectly chilly. I have next weekend off of work and I want sit outside and drink some cold beer and just shoot the shit. I think I might just invite some people over and use my sister's 27th birthday as an excuse to party. It's been a long time since I had a get together.