last moth was altogether bad for me. the stress at work, the bullshit at home, the self loathing within me. it was awful.

i had my first weekend off in a long time not too long ago and man did i get my ass kicked. i got sick. i don't know how it happened, i didn't even see it coming it wasn't myself for nearly a week. i must have caught some good shit from a patient at work. but eh, i'm better now. i spent that weekend in bed and forced myself to go to work that monday. eh whatever i need the money. i need to save and save and save if i want to travel. i can't wait til october that's all i know.

day four of june and i'm feeling alright. i've done some reading today and i am agreeing with this gray sky weather we're having. it's lovely.

a few days ago i took a day trip (straight after work) with diana and mary. we went to disneyland and had a blast. i needed to have some of that good old 'sober fun' that i keep forgetting exists. we went on all the 'mountain' rides and managed to keep laughing throughout the day. it was great. i must had been up for about 26 straight hours but it was worth it.

my sister's going back to school. and not that community college bullshit that everyone's doing. i know she's got it in her to become an awesome animator but its about taking the steps to get there and she's finally doing it. i'm just watching right now. watching and waiting for my inspiration. i know what i want to do. i've always known i just need to get excited about it again.

i feel like i'm slowly getting excited about living again...i'd lost that feeling for a good month there.

p diddy said it best when he was puff daddy "can't nobody take my pride" haha

great now that late 90's song is stuck in my head..again.

i work tonight but thats a good ten hours away. its time to do something productive for a change.